Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I smell stomach acid.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We are all done wearing pants today
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
