you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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