do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
