you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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