Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize