omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
