hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
