i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
