We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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