my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
