So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
