I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
