The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
