she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize