no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
