I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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