i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
