I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
