I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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