People in love make me want to vomit
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
