I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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