R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
