You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
