Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
