brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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