I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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