It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
