My friends, they love my intelligence
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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