he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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