we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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