I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize