maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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