hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
