im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
