Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
