You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
