At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
