Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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