I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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