I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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