He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
