His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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