I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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