Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the condom got lost in my hair
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
