i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
