They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
