I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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