I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
