So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
