I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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