Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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