my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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