HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize