He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
