I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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