why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
