So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
