Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
