if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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