You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
