Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
