it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
