Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
