You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
