He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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