Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
