if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
