I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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