I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
do herpes really smell.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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