and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
