maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
