dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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