Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
