Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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