i think i have two assholes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
