I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
