Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
try to milk me bitch
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