Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
