yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize