She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
