absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize