Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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