Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
