I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
